So here it is…

  You know the point where my uncontrollable urge to research and figure this out kicks in… OCD? Perhaps… I cannot stand the fact that I don’t know what is wrong with Brynnon and I don’t think I will be able to wait to find out if Brett has the same thing or if it is something different. Is it coincidence that both my blond haired blue eyes boys have behavior issues? Is Brett really just acting like Brynnon or is it the same thing just in early stages? Paranoid? Perhaps… Maybe Brett’s few little things were just night terrors… Maybe it’s nothing at all in Brett. This thinking of course just leads back to needing to know what “it” is in Brynnon. I have found so many EEG images taken while sleeping and I cannot find a single one that looks like Brynn’s. I did find a few syndromes that children experience seizures and also have intellectual disabilities and or regression. Why is this so important, to know what “it” is? I need to know what the prognosis will be for Brynnon. I would like to know if he will just grow out of this and catch up with others his own age, or will he stay behind? Is his cognitive function going to get better? Can it get worse? I pray that he will outgrow it and catch up, but if this is not the case, I want and need to know now… I want to know why my almost 12 year old has regressed to rubbing my hair between his fingers like he did when he was very little… Why has his Reading and Learning regressed so much? Why is he acting like a child much younger than he is? It breaks my heart… I need answers and I want them NOW. How am I supposed to peacefully sleep at night, knowing that he could have a seizure… What if the alarm does not pick it up? What if I cannot hear him on the monitor? Will my life ever seem normal? I probably wouldn’t know normal if it happened anyway! 


~Denise
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