It hasn’t occurred to me before, funny… I guess I never thought about it, you know how terribly abnormal it is to sit in the same place, night after night watching… and waiting… for my Brynnon and my Brett to go to sleep. Brynn is usually a little whiny before bed, usually says he does not want to go to sleep. After the last extended event I feel guilty to fuss at him like I did that night before he went to sleep. I have a hard time shaking the thought that maybe he knows… I have seen him throw a fit many nights when nothing happened, but that night stands out and scares me. He stomped his feet and refused to go to bed… he fussed and fussed he was not tired and didn’t want to go to bed. Two short hours later he woke up in an Ambulance… I guess all Mommies with Epilepsy feel the same way, knowing that emotions can trigger Seizures. Of course you have to discipline, but it just gets scary sometimes knowing if he gets overly upset he could go into another seizure. Sometimes he even says he is scared to go to sleep. Once we get the 72hour EEG and MRI over, we really need to focus on getting the boys back in their room and hopefully by the new year have a new bunk bed along with a camera so Brandon, Brynn and Brett can all sleep in the same room and we can as a family get some normalcy back.
There he lays with his “Wubby,” the stuffed animal he has been sleeping with since just after the August 25th extended seizure that caused some regression. I talked to the Neuropsychologist about it, and him rubbing my hair between his thumb and fingers. He said it’s not a problem and he was not surprised to hear it, that with the regression this happens. Honestly, I think he sleeps better with the stuffed toy than he does without it, so be it. When his friend that is 10 came to spend the night, it didn’t bother him one bit to hug his “Wubby” and go to sleep either…
So here I sit in the same spot, waiting for them to fall asleep… Brett almost always fast asleep long before Brynn… then Brynn will drift off to sleep… That’s when the watching starts. Some nights Brynn is fine for an hour or two then starts seizure activity, other nights it starts as soon as his eyes close and some nights he is so still and so quiet I have to check and make sure he is breathing…. Tonight it’s just a little twitchy… I hate these nights because I don’t know if it’s going to settle down or pick up… So I sit quietly rocking Abigail to sleep… I think about my Momma and that she will be gone 20 years this Saturday… I think about Brett and what his Seizure activity means, so thankful it has not progressed and that he has actually calmed down a bit the last two weeks. I think about finances, argh, bad idea… I think about the oldest two and their jobs… I think about Brandon and his future… and I pray about all these things, all the children who suffer and all the adults who suffer… and I think to myself, what a sad world we live in… a sad, sad, sad world…. I am so thankful that our Father sprinkles some joy in mine every now and again! ~Denise
|Abigail enjoyed her lunch….|
|Oh yes she did!|
Picture Brynn took of his own eye :0)