Who Am I?

Known to most on the internet as PrayerOfFaith. I am Denise, wife to Brian. We have been married 20 years and have 5 children to show for the fruit of our commitment to our marriage and each other. Life for us has never been easy, but we are stronger for having to fight for everything we have.
I grew up in Belle Chasse, LA as the only Daughter of Janice Ashcraft Lillie. I met my first love at 12 and moved out at age 16. I married my first love, Brian in October 1989. I gave birth to our first child and only Daughter in April 1990. I became pregnant with my second child in July 1991 and life was grand! Until, Momma was brutally murdered on November 12, 1991. A man took a plea bargain of “manslaughter” for stabbing her 21 times and the case was closed forever. I sought the only thing that had given me peace and hope before… God.
I learned that to be forgiven, I too had to forgive. I forgave the person who killed my Mom in 1993, after almost hitting the brink of insanity, my mind heart and soul full of hate and bitterness. I learned that I could either stay in that and let it overcome me, or force myself to let it go. I can only conclude that what exactly happened and who really killed her and the ultimate question “why” would never be answered. People say how could you forgive? What they cannot see is that not forgiving is choosing death. Hate and bitterness kills you at the root of your soul, from the inside out. The choice was simple really and I chose life… I took an End Time Bible Prophecy class at a Bible College. It was there that the Conspiracy Theorist in me was born, along with the Realist who Questions Everything! I saw clips on Bush Sr, declaring a New World Order, learned about Ruby Ridge along with Randy Weavers story and the ultimate WACO. My Brother, Robert Ian Lillie, would see the end of his life at the young age of 15 on top the Belle Chasse bridge on June 11, 1994. These events would forever change my view of the world. I learned to think before I speak, love with all I have and appreciate every breath I am given. I learned that there really is no such thing as justice in this world and that vengeance is the Fathers, not mine. I have not had a hard time with forgiveness ever since that long process of really understanding just what forgiveness is. Those changes that took place in my life would forever alter my view of the world around me.
We moved to Mississippi in 1995 expecting our third child, falling in love with the slow pace and peaceful country woods. Life went on and many things changed as we grew and accepted what life had given us. We would never be rich, but had learned along the way that no matter how bad things seemed, we would never starve! Our test for this lesson came in 1999. We were expecting our fourth child. We loved the church and the people, loved where we lived and were content. The Publishing Company my Hubby and I worked for went bankrupt. We were alerted to this when our payroll checks started bouncing. Hopeful for a better life and job we scrounged every penny from a new job almost 2 hours away, packed up and moved to TN, where it was said that the printing business was booming! Well, we were there for 3 months without a job… and we did not starve to death, although we surely thought we would at times! Rent was incredibly high compared to MS and in 2000 my Hubby asked for a transfer back to MS. We ended up in the same house we were renting before the move to TN.
My eldest Son was diagnosed with ADD and the public school seemed to have issues with me not wanting to medicate him. I could not see the need of medication when he made excellent grades and was not a behavior problem. I argued and fought for him when his teachers ridiculed him in front of the class, pointing out that he only had to do half the work, then refused to follow the IEP that our Natural Doctor had written for him for homework and test. This labeled him a retard by his peers and made my heart break as a Mom to see him suffer so greatly at their daily teasing. I decided I did not want anyone ever to have the authority to decide what was best for my children. I decided that I wanted them to be taught the principles of the Bible and to think for themselves. I decided that it was my job to educate my children and my Husband fully agreed. We bought our first property in the Summer of 2001, nestled in the woods on two private country acres. Finally, we had found home… I began to Home School the children and began a Spiritual Journey that led me from Modern day Christianity to what most people call Hebrew Roots.
My Daughter moved out after she turned 17 and received her diploma. She became pregnant and just when I accepted the facts and decided to support her the best I could in spite of her lifestyle…. Problems came. She came back home in April sick. She was hospitalized on her 18th Birthday and returned home a week later on Dr. ordered bed rest. She was again hospitalized in late May… she gave birth to a beautiful 2.1 lb. baby girl on June 8th. Despite pleading, praying and begging our Abba Father to let her stay… Sweet little Kaylyn Marie passed away 8 full days later, May her memory always be a blessing. After a mournful Summer and Fall, just when Winter seemed to bring hope… The news came that my Husbands job would see the end… Hubby would see his first official lay off, from the big monster of a company, who offered such security… Gannett on February 2, 2009. Much time was spent in the few months before action had to be taken, to apply for every job in the US. To our surprise… Here we are back in LA. This time, South of Lafayette. Close to my Dad and his new wife and two of my Brothers.
So now you have my life’s story… from here you will peek in my brain. A conspiracy theorist at heart, a Messianic believer in Cajunland USA and a Home School Mom… I must warn you… It’s scary at times!