Sinking In…

I have been thinking a lot about things that the Neuropsychologist said. It took me a little time to adjust to what I knew to be and what I expected. I guess in the back of my mind I thought that if I worked really hard with Brynnon perhaps I could increase his IQ. I had read a lot about IQ and how just the IQ test is not a real good indicator of intelligence, and how the test can be up to 10 points off anyway. I had read a lot too about how to increase intelligence through games, reinforcing positive internal dialog, Reading to him, More physical contact, listening to classical music, physical activity, family game nights, positive enforcement, less stress…. eating more fish, whole grains, lean meat, citrus fruits, eggs… yeah… I guess I really did believe that if I did these things this test would have much better results than the first one. It may have been a lighter blow had he actually been concerned about Brynnon’s IQ “number.” No, not this great Neuropsychologist… He wasn’t concerned about his number really, because he was looking at the big picture, which doesn’t look great for Brynnon’s future. I wasn’t shocked the least little bit, but I did loose some of the numbness I had acquired from all the research I did. The reality of it all is sinking in… Is it normal for me to be mad, is it okay that I am really angry that this is happening to my little boy?  I don’t know what “normal” is anymore and I am not sure exactly how I am supposed to feel. I just know that it is greatly painful… I don’t want him to have to suffer the ridicule that I know he will suffer at the hands of mean people. I am so ashamed that I have ever thought negative things about people that have intellectual disabilities… 
 I think about that little boy… He was younger than I was… I saw him in the hallway at school almost every day. He would bring the lunch money to the cafeteria for his class. I would talk to him and he would smile so big and you could see the true joy fluttering throughout his body… He was so happy. He didn’t have a care in the world. He had Cerebral Palsy and was the happiest child I ever have had the pleasure of knowing. You could tell that he was not only physically disabled, but he was also intellectually disabled. He reminded me of a baby the way his whole body would flutter in joy…  I think about my dear friend many years ago who also had Cerebral Palsy. She looked like she was intellectually disabled, sounded like she was intellectually disabled and needed assistance walking. She was not intellectually disabled at all. She had a difficult time with speech due to dysarthria, but her IQ was normal. I would have guessed upon meeting her that she had a low IQ, based on her dysarthria and drooling alone. Then I think about Brynnon… There are no outward signs, he has a great ability to shadow what he hears others say. He spends a great deal of time investing in listening to conversations of others so that he can be accepted socially. He doesn’t have much ability to have a conversation on many subjects, but has the knowledge of what others have said about this and that. He may not even comprehend the conversation, but he repeats it none the less. Most people that know Brynnon, know that he is very nosy… and likes to repeat what he hears. It is not just to be nosy and not just to gossip that he does it, he does it to make conversation. This is his way of dealing with the social stigma he has already felt and to fit in. He is very good at talking about things that he does not know anything about. 

  So onward we shall go… Time to focus on the future, Brynnon’s future specifically. It will be in Brynnon’s best interest if we concentrate on being firm in his responsibilities, realizing the potential all he does now to help him be independent in the future. Realizing he is almost 12, therefore does not need to be treated like a baby. I will have to be especially alert to the influences around him, as his judgment difficulties may put him at risk for negative choices both spiritually and physically.
    He is such a sweet little boy, inside this big stout body… He wants to be held, cuddled and nurtured. He is sleeping gently tonight, cuddled up on the sofa bed hugging his stuffed animal…. 
  Looks like it’s a gentle enough seizure night, I am going to turn on the video monitor and get some rest. Have to go to the dentist tomorrow to get my stitches out… My fibro has been flaring like crazy, my back and neck have decided to flare too…

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